If I had to describe this year in one word, the word I would give it is chaos. The reason I chose this word is because this year was full of many unexpected surprises, good and bad. Through all that happened this year, I am leaving it behind with this lesson: God will be silent, and in the silence it is okay to be angry and upset, but remember to praise Him when the good comes. And as I carry on toward a new year, this is how I will choose to be kind to myself:
bloom in areas I have neglected.
Recently I saw a TikTok that talked about how someone felt like Jan-June and July-Dec were two different years for them. I could not relate to anything more. Some days I struggle with the thought that the beginning of this year was actually 2022. This year has been chaotic, messy, hard, beautiful, and refreshing. When I look back on 2022, I want to remember how I grew from this year. I want to look back on this blog and see I did bloom in 2023. Because 2022 was not my easiest year.
On February 16 I broke my elbow. More specifically, I broke the mechanical bone that rarely breaks. When I do something, I do it big, apparently. Those two months taught me that life can quickly change in one moment. For two months I worked from home, went to therapy, and was taken care of by my sweet husband. During those two months though, I became more depressed than I had been in a long time. I remember talking to my dad on the phone one day and I told him I understood how he felt in that hospital room when he had COVID. I just sat in the bedroom and looked out the window. I didn’t go anywhere, I couldn’t do anything, I just sat and waited. While waiting, I struggled. My mental health went to crap. I cried more than I had in a while and really pondered life. I felt helpless. I felt alone. I felt tired. I was tired of everything going wrong and nothing going right.
At the end of May we finally got good news, Zach had a job. Now, obviously as Zach’s partner, I could not have been proud or happy. As Meghan, I internally struggled. Change is hard for me. I don’t always adjust well. The fact of moving 8 hours away was not something I accepted right away. Heck, it probably wasn’t until this past month I started feeling content in Tennessee. In 2018 I moved from VA to NC and didn’t know a soul. I fell in love with NC because it was the place I found myself after a toxic relationship/breakup and healed inner trauma. I became who I am. Starting over again really freaked out. I wasn’t ready to let go of my Safe Haven.
When I got to Tennessee, I was blessed with being able to work full time for Organized Marketing. I went from a toxic work environment where I was in survival mode the whole time, to thriving in an environment I knew and loved. While I loved being able to work from home, I knew I needed in person interaction. My depression spikes when I don’t have face to face interaction, and I knew I had to change something. Luckily, I was able to get a Resident Director job at UTC, working alongside Zach again. 🙂 I NEVER saw myself working in Higher Ed after Campbell, but I would not trade my job for anything. My beginning was tough and I was dealt a hard deck of cards. I have grown so much since starting in October, and so has my staff. I know God has both Zach and I exactly where we need to be.
During the chaos of 2022, my people have been more consistent than ever. I have cut toxic ones out, rekindled lost friendships, made new ones, and grown current ones. My people have listened to me, helped me, prayed for me, laughed with me, cried with me, and showed up for me. I truly have the BEST people in my corner, and I thank God everyday for them. This year, despite the chaos, we shared many great moments: Jesse McCartney in concert, The Bachelor Live on Stage, Taylor Swift dance night, my sister getting married, coffee dates, FaceTime dates, wine and paint parties, trivia nights, farmers markets, and SO much more! I also legally became my mom’s by adoption this summer, something I will forever cherish.
So while 2022 is ending on a good note, I can’t ignore that I have internally struggled a lot this year. I saw an Instagram post about Enneagrams and their words for 2023, and the word for Enneagram Two was Bloom. Once I saw that word, I knew that was it. Bloom. I have a lot of blooming to do in 2023. The things I have neglected in 2022 need to have my attention in 2023. I pray when I get to the end of 2023, I can see how I have bloomed in these areas: faith, mental health, eating habits, weight, career goals, debt, and loving myself. Blogging is a fun outlet for me, I do it simply for myself. If you are along for the ride and actually read my words, thank you! I hope my journey to blooming can resonate with you and we can cheer each other along. Happy New Year!
Sustainable Faith 